See how much more Zionistic can you get?! My iPhone was becoming Israeli with me. What a special occasion.
We went to some random hole in the wall on Yafo and with oh too much skepticism and after giving this poor guy the biggest background check he will ever receive as well as insisting I watch him unlock someone else's phone to make sure he really is as careful as he says he is, I left my baby with him for the next 24 hours.
Nikki planned on staying in town a little longer, but having had no sleep the night before due to this lovely thing I call jet lag I desperately needed to get some beauty rest back in our apartment in Katamon.
I promised Nikki I knew exactly how to get back to our humble abode. I knew the precise way. The shortest way there is and I would be back in my couch (yes, I sleep on a pull out couch) in 27 minutes exactly because Lottie's Way is always right.
My iPod and I were en route home. 10 minutes down. 20 minutes down. 40 minutes down. I had absolutely no idea where I was (which if you ask me in person if I really had no idea where I was I would deny it. One of the perks of reading these moments on this blog.) apart from the fact I passed the same bus stop about three times, I had a drop of water left, and no Google Maps because the one time I really needed it my phone was with some potential phone thief who claims he was "unlocking" it but the more I thought about him the more I was convinced he was handing his niece my phone as a happy Ramadan present.
Something to know about me- I am never wrong. I don't get lost, I just voluntarily take long, tourist-esque walks. You know, get to know the sights and scenes. And one thing I don't ever do is ask for directions, because why ask for directions if I know exactly where I am going since I don't get lost.
I have an iTouch, but there was no wifi where I was which was totally ok because I purposely walked in a circle about 3 times over now. I wanted to memorize what those houses looked like.
Suddenly I got wifi and Google Mapped my address, not because I was lost just you know as us Israelis call it "stam".
I got the directions and began to walk in that direction but then lost wifi.
In the mean time I had a drop of water left. The question became how am I possibly going to divide this drop of water to last me what could be another 5 minute walk or another 5 hour walk.
I began walking straight, since that always seems like a safe bet. Can't ever go wrong walking straight according to my theory which has no proof or rhyme or reason.
Right before I passed the President's house, I thought I saw something out of the corner of my life. I thought I was hallucinating. There is a scene in this movie Kangaroo Jack when they are stuck in the desert and suddenly a water fountain appears, but it's all a hallucination. Well well, someone must have been looking out for me. I was stuck in the blistering heat in this desert called Katamon and Abra cadabra there, out of no where appears a water fountain. I always knew I liked Shimon Peres. Not only is he a good president (I don't know the first thing about him) and supplies Israel with stability (for all I know he could be the most instable president Israel has ever had) but he supplies the nomads and wanders, as well as the fresh off the boat from New York olim of his land with a water fountain. Not only that the only working water fountain in a country suffering from permenant water shortage. Golly gee, what a mitzvah man risking Israel's water to give to the thirsty. I owe my life to Shimon Peres and his water fountain.
As I was filling up my 1.5 liter-er and benching gomel (believe me every time I pass that insanely unhygienic water fountain I just have the sudden urge to begin the Water Fountain Foundation of Israel) I got a notification on my iTouch...not only is there a water fountain, but wifi also!! Oh the simple pleasures in life. I started at my iPod for a solid 2 minutes to remember exactly where I was going and with a full bottle of water I felt reborn again.
I was reaching the third hour of my tiring journey and I told myself today is my day. I can and I will get back to my apartment in 14 minutes. I can do this because Google Maps told me I can and they are on Team Lottie.
All was good until I missed the turn.
Then for the first time in my life I asked for directions. I may have been back in my apartment 7 minutes later but the humiliation was so not worth it.
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