Life.

I was speaking to a fellow blogger (happy birthday fellow blogger), you know, because we have a little club going. We were discussing that bloggers are people too. Everyone has a story every so often but at the end of the day we too live pretty mundane and pathetically boring lives.

However, never fear. Unfortunately I have the worst memory. Ever. Due to this sad but true fact if I want to remember something, an event, a feeling, a thought I need to write it down right then and there because in all seriousness if I don't the thought will be on the next plane to Timbuktu and I'll just never remember it.

So I figured the time has come to show off the little snippets of things that have happened to me in Israel and in America (gasp! I do leave Israel. Ahhh.)
All I got to say is thank gd I always have my handy dandy J.Crew decorated iPhone to to write these moments then and there!

So I present to you in no chronological order THE LOVELY LIST OF LOTTIE'S LIFE:

* This seems to happen to me all the time. All the time. I go to a restaurant and am browsing through the menu. I love my mom dearly but I was not raised on foods with French, unpronounceable names. In my house it didn't get much fancier then pasta (love you mommy), so when I come across something with a five word name but each word in three letters I am going to ask the waiter what it is. I was raised on unfancy food and the fact that it is good to ask questions (especially during Friday night... ahhh family joke ;-)
Anyhoo I usually just point to the word because how dare I butcher the French language (which is more likely then not). As I am pointing and asking what it is, the waiter says "oh you won't like it, don't get it."
Ok, so you don't know my name, where I live, my age, what I am doing with my life, if I have ever been in jail before but you do know I won't like "ah-due-suq-nux" (FYI- I made up that food just so you get what I'm talking about).
And then the worst is when you have to listen to what the waiter says, because he then not only says you will hate it but forbids you to eat it.
Well there goes trying to be a cultured human being. And yet another meal where I end up eating fettichini alfredo.

* I have many pet peeves. It's really pathetic. You think you are doing something normal and just going about your own business, well odds are something you are doing is bothering me. It's truly problematic, but after coming to terms that it's me with the problem not the person annoying me I have decided to control the obnoxious comments and cringing faces. Well most of the time
Well here's my number one pet peeve. Or second or third, depending on the day and my annoyance level.
You know those people that everything happens to them?
Like you are in class talking about adopted kids and of course that person is adopted.
Then your next class you are talking about something as random as zoologists, oh and golly gee she is also a trained zoologist and can talk to monkeys.
Then you go out for coffee and there is the adopted zoologist behind the counter serving you your coffee with skim milk and sugar. And of course she is the best at it, because why shouldn't she be.

Can we attempt to make the standard, average person cool again?
Like when I say "hi I am my parent's biological child, I am a student who is just trying to graduate as fast as possible and I hate animals" I want people to say WOW she's so cool and so regular. So talented.


* There are many bad jobs in the world. It sucks but you gotta do what you gotta do to make ends meet. (which by the way I used to think the phrase ended with "meat" not "meet")
But the stupidest and most pointless job is the guy who sits by the bathrooms in the Tachana collecting one shekel from all the poor people desperate to go to the bathroom.
1) we live in the 21st century. Don't we have a machine to collect the money?
2) 1 shekel?! "Yes, hi. You can not use the bathroom until you give me 20 cents." Really?!
If you're going to charge, charge! (don't get me wrong I am not asking them to raise the price, but really for one shekel what is the point?!) And if you are going to charge a shekel, well sweetie, I guess I can buy you a chewed up eraser.
3) The poor guy legit sits by the bathroom all day.
They recently put a table there I guess to make him look more legit and not like some creeper.
You know what now that I'm thinking about it he could be some money stealing creeper.
Maybe I should go check this out...


* This has got to be the most awkwardest situation I. Was. Ever. In.
Ya'll know my Home Center story? It's so last December, I know. But just in case you missed it here's the link- http://newestsabraontheblock.blogspot.co.il/2012/12/the-never-ending-wait.html and http://newestsabraontheblock.blogspot.co.il/2012/12/the-drawers-drawers.html (Yes, two links. It was that big of an ordeal. A tragic ordeal. A nightmarish ordeal. Need more synonyms? I can go on.)
Anyways, so during the two month wait for these stupid drawers (which by the way are so over priced and are ten times smaller then the picture they had of them online) I was complaining to someone I met earlier in the week how annoying this wait is and how my life is revolving around this ridiculous place that has the nerve to call themselves a business. I told him I am going to go on a customer strike, go to their headquarters and I won't leave and I won't stop bashing them even once the police come to arrest me.
Yes, it was pretty intense. But really I was mad. Mad. Mad. Mad.
Well this lovely conversation ended with...

HIM: "I'm so sorry about what's going on but..."
ME: "If you are sorry then help me make the signs we are going to hold when we go protest. I am taking them out of business. I am going to make their life suck just like they have made mine. It's over. Home Center can say their final farewells, because Team Lottie goes big or goes home and we are going big."
HIM: "well just by the way my dad runs most of the Home Center branches in Israel."

And there was a potential boyfriend (ha, really not at all, but I guess you never know) gone forever.
At least he knows I take my anger out verbally.

* I was in one of those random stores on Yafo one day. Someone came in and ask one of the employees if they had Tory Burch boots. I laughed. Tory Burch would rather die then sell her boots in this store.
Well you know Israelis, always will to make the extra buck even if that means lying, lying, lying, lying even if your pants are on fire.
This poor women walked home with "Fory Furch" boots (Fake Tory Fake Burch. Duh.)

* People don't seem to understand a basic fact we learn in kindergarten.
Roads= Cars and motorcycles
Sidewalks= Pedestrians.
The amount of times I have almost gone into cardiac arrest by a loud "HONK" while I was on the sidewalk like a good little citizen is insane.
Motorcycles are trying to compete with the pedestrian's sidewalk privileges and I won't stand for that.

* As I have in another blog post (http://newestsabraontheblock.blogspot.co.il/2013/01/the-2013-pet-peeve.html), I don't like chummus. I don't like the idea of it. I don't like the fact that Americans ditch Heinz for Sabra. And I really just don't like the taste of it.
Sorry mashed, crushed and smashed up chick peas just ain't my thing.
Fine, everyone is allowed to dislike foods. One of my brothers hates fish and I respect him for that. To each their own and as long as we can respect one and other for both our likes and our dislikes the world is good.
Well I have never been so bullied and patronized for not liking chummus. It's like a personal insult to Israelis.
You tell an Israeli you don't like chummus and their immediate response is something like "get out of my face." Gosh, I didn't insult your outfit, you can calm down.
Well it gets pretty awkward when you want a shwarma, because then you have to tell the shwarma people face to face, you don't want their most prized item in your lafa.
It takes up every fiber of my being.
Honestly, half the time they don't even ask. It's just a given apparently.
So then it's even worse once they put the chummus on the lafa.
Ways to solve this constant issue:
1) ask me what I want on my lafa before assuming
2) BAN CHUMMUS

(I think I'm liking option two best)

* Saying "Am Yisrael Chai" is really great. You know, super hunky dory and all. Well until you see it in action. Believe me, am yisrael is very much chai on an El Al plane. Chai= not shy, loud, obnoxious.
Maybe one day some smarty pants will figure out that the overheard compartment is not there to store your entire sefarim collection and your wife's ten new sheitels.

* When I went back to America (the first time) I was in my favorite place on earth, Dunkin Donuts. There was a mom and her toddler who were about to leave. The mom made her kid go up to every single person in Dunkin and say thank you and goodbye.
Either we have the newest Little Miss Manners or this mother is given her poor child a cruel and unusual punishment.

* I was in Dunkin (again. Obviously. If anyone is coming to Israel soon PLEASE by me at least two boxes of glazed and or/strawberry frosted doughnuts WITH SPRINKLES. Because sprinkles are the most important part.) and there was some talk show on TV. One of the guests on the talk show was in the middle of proposing to his girlfriend. All of a sudden I hear the woman behind me yell "NO DON'T DO IT." I thought she was getting kidnapped or robbed or something until she finished her sentence, "DON'T SAY YES!! DON'T MARRY HIM!!"
No idea why she had such strong feelings on this issue. He seemed like a perfectly fine guy to me (although he did need a haircut pretty badly)

* (Back in Israel. What a jet setter) I was in the supermarket and the cashier kept on talking to me, so with my ulpan-less, train wreck version of Hebrew I spoke back. After about two minutes of talking he asked me if I am Hungarian.
Yes, you read right. There I was with the most awful and obvious of American accents and I am being asked if I am Hungarian.
I told myself to savor the moment because that is a question I will NEVER be asked again.


OK NOW THE DEAL IS IF YOU READ THIS BLOG AND LIKED IT OF COURSE "LIKE" IT ON FACEBOOK AND SHARE IT, BUT TODAY IS A REALLY EXCITING DAY (AND NOT JUST BECAUSE IT'S EARTH DAY. YAY TREES) AND YOU GET TO DO ONE MORE THING...
GET READY.
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