I recently realized I have a lot of questions that can't be answered. So instead of sitting in sorrow and despair and trying to answer the unanswerable I thought I would invite you all to join my "Unanswerable Questions" club.
This is not aliyah or Israel related. Just call me an anti Zionist.
1) Why is it that Humans of New York is always able to capture the most picturesque, photogenic and charming pictures of the humans of New York?
I really hate subways. I would rather walk hundreds of blocks then take a subway. I just have this serious theory that it is a hotbed for a terror attack and every person on that subway wants to rape, kill, or worse to me. So for the sake of my life I walk. And walk. And cry but keep walking.
But the few times I have taken a subway psycho paths and mental institution escapees have boarded.
One day some guy with ripped pants was going from person to person cursing them out. Clearly gd is watching over me because he skipped over yours truly.
Anyways once out of the subway (and after I benched gomel) I looked at my Facebook and HONY just posted a picture of a mother reading "Guess How Much I Love You" to her daughter.
It was as if there was just a split screen between my life and HONY's.
My pictures of random New Yorkers would just send me to jail with a black eye. But HONY's get raving reviews and comments like "you have inspired me to stop being an alcoholic, domestic abuser, drug user and unemployed."
The grass is always greener on the other side is true.
2) Why is it that people feel free to tell you their stories? I mean I really love hearing people's stories. Both funny and sad. But within moderation.
When I was back in New Jersey a few months ago I was at the dentist and the hygienist was telling me how her sons disrespect her and she doesn't know how to get them to stop.
Ya hi. I am a 21 year old, super single, absolutely no bun in the oven, ten thousand percent no kids to tend to- why the heck do you think I would ever have the answers to your kid problems. Especially when they are 22 and 20.
I also went to get my hair trimmed back in America. The haircut took an hour and a half. I know I have a tendency to exaggerate but this is for real. I wish I could say it was because she was such a perfectionist and needed that amount of time to cut my hair. But no no. She needed that amount of time to tell me all about her Indian realtor.
I gotta admit at first it was funny. Then it got racist. Then it got really racist. Then I started to think maybe she hates me and she thinks I'm Indian so she is secretly trying to insult me. Then I remember my skin is whiter than snow or redder than a tomato. But still we all have some Indian-ness in all of us.
3) This is a really serious wonderment I have had for a while. On almost all El Al planes in the bathroom there is a sign by the sink that says "do not drink the water from the faucet." Pretty self explanatory.
Until you look to the right of the sink and there are cups.
So the options are:
1) El Al is promoting the cup company.
2) El Al are testing their passengers to see if they will give in to the deliciousness of sink water.
3) El Al has a good sense of humor.
Either way this truly bewilders me.
4) Why is it that job websites make you pay to use their website?
Correct me if I'm wrong but one usually looks for a job when they are penniless, not when they are billionaires.
Frankly I would like to bye a pen and some paper to beg my family to send me some food. I don't think anyone would ever choose to spend their last penny on a job website. That is if they are so fortunate to have a last penny.
I think I have just solved the homeless issue. Make job websites free. Tada. There's a solution to the world
5) Back on planes. Forgive me for my inconsistency.
Why is it that 98% of the world is so selfish about reclining chairs?
This guys head was practically on my lap his chair was so far back. It was like I look down and "oh hello. Glad you're comfortable".
Or the chair kicker. The chair hitter. The person who constantly head up and hold on to the top back part of the chair and ends up pulling your hair (I would like to think I am not the only girl with this constant oh so painful experience.)
My theory is these chair abusers are strategically placed to make sure we are overflowing with adrenaline for when we land.
That is my best and only attempt at the benefit of the doubt in this situation.
6) I guess we all need to come to terms at some point or another that the world is gross and hardly anyone washes their hands after leaving the bathroom.
I promise I am not one of those people. If anything I am immune to soap I use it so much.
Anyways, the point of this is not to show off my hygiene but rather to present my sixth worldy wonder- why is it that people don't wash their hands?
And even more so why is it that when people are in a public bathroom they don't wash their hands?
Fine, I don't get it but if you are in private to each your own.
But really a public bathroom where everyone sees you you will make a point to not wash your hands?
It's really nothing to show off.
And don't think I will be sharing my pencil with you ever.
7) The last and final wonder of the world- baggage claim at an airport.
This marvels me every time.
We all learned in kindergarten a circle goes around and around and around and around. It never ends. Not side or corners just round.
So let me ask why do people jump, dive, sacrifice their lives at baggage claim and pounce on their bag knocking all those down around them.
I can understand if baggage claim was a broken circle. Then your bag will come around and if you miss it it will be thrown out of the circle (because there is a break in it), but thank gd someone who did well on his SAT's and knows geometry invented the baggage claim, so let's all CALM DOWN.
And I plan on suing all those people that have ever made me that they broke me toe.
Even though no bone was ever broken the thought is bad enough and worth the money.
7 1/2) Because I have to.
Uggs.
To quote Joey Tribiani: "why g-d why?!"
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Sunday, May 19, 2013
The Fateful Internet Diet
THIS WAS WRITTEN LIVE TWO WEEKS AGO. THE WEEK OF THE FATEFUL INTERNET DIET.
My thoughts and feelings may have changed since I wrote this.
On May 5, 2013 my roomies and I undertook a challenge that some deemed as impossible while others thought it was a walk in the park.
We were going to go a week without the Internet. You know 1980's style. The way I like it.
I figured it's about time to get to know real people, not their online pseudo selves.
Note about me: I am one of those people who truly wish they were all "run with the birds, frolic in the fields" but in short, I am no where near that. No where near.
I think this week is just one of those many proofs to this statement.
Disclaimer: This is a pathetically honest post. Read at your own risk. NO JUDGING ALLOWED!
I promise I am a nice, not shallow member of the human race.
The first hour: We had our goodbye ceremony. I can not tell a lie, it was hard. Perhaps a few tears were shed. Or not. It was defiantly harder then I thought it would be. Good or bad, a good percentage of our lives are online. My social life, my academic life, my work life- all contact, or most is done by the means of Facebook or email. Or texting and whatsapp which were also big no-no's this week.
Oh Facebook. That was a tough goodbye. As a self admitted addict it is hard to go cold turkey (anyone else find that phrase somewhat repulsive?). But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.
That spot next to me on my bed where my phone rests will be pathetically empty and missed tonight.
I really will miss those radiations.
Sunday Night, May 5: I went through my first 23 hours Internet-less. I thought I would have the easiest time. Well I was wrong. Big time.
I realized that almost everything on this weeks to do list would have to wait for next week. Oh just another week I am pushing things off yet again. It's not like I specialize in that or anything.
I haven't been sleeping well. I know it's just been one night but it was hard.
I have been displayed severe Internet withdrawal symptoms. Headaches and constant sneezing (which I am so sure can only be related to Internet detoxing. For sure not a cold.)
Just like I have a schedule for my day, I also have a schedule for my nights. Every night at about 12:00 am is usually the time I explore Instagram, travel the day through Facebook, watch the latest Ted videos on YouTube. Videos that should be changing my life by now but still haven't.
Me and my phone start our daily date night at 12am.
My phone really knows how to treat a girl well.
How do you say goodbye to such a chivalrous buddy?
The only way I am guaranteed to not be tempted by such beauty and goodness is to not only remove my stunningly dressed J.Crew clad iPhone from it's spot on my bed but to move it to another room all together.
Gasp.
Stay tuned for tomorrow episode of "How Is She Surviving? The Eighth Wonder Of The World."
Tuesday May 7, 2013: Not only is this week hard, but it is completely destroying my equilibrium system. Before this week I was a happy healthy person. Walking about 200 hundred feet again. Stretching my legs on the couch. And might I say doing a lot of getting up and sitting down from one class to the next. However, this week that has all changed.
I sleep during the day because if I am not in class there is just nothing else to do to pass the time. I eat constantly because that is just what you do when you are bored.
Over the past nine months since I have been living in Israel my meals usually consisted of pasta and some sauce on top with my favorite go to- Parmesan cheese, or the easy and simple fried veggies. Now all of a sudden I am eating courses. Yes, each meal has two well prepared healthy courses. They are really delicious if I may say so myself. I never knew I had this Mario Batali side to me. I also read and read which is good but by the 300th page in two days the information no longer processes anymore.
This Internet diet is slowly killing me. I must have gained about ten pounds. And I no longer sleep at night.
Internet detoxing may sound like a good idea but it's not. In fact it's highly dangerous.
You may think you can do it (like me) and tell your friends to believe in you because you will succsesed. But you won't so get over it now.
I am proud to say I was the first of my roomates to go online. And no, I didn't have to wait the full week. I am a gifted and fast learner and by Wednesday morning I got the point and spent the next day online catching up on very important, academically gifted things of course.
My thoughts and feelings may have changed since I wrote this.
On May 5, 2013 my roomies and I undertook a challenge that some deemed as impossible while others thought it was a walk in the park.
We were going to go a week without the Internet. You know 1980's style. The way I like it.
I figured it's about time to get to know real people, not their online pseudo selves.
Note about me: I am one of those people who truly wish they were all "run with the birds, frolic in the fields" but in short, I am no where near that. No where near.
 |
| DA RULES (Fairly Odd Parents anyone?) |
Disclaimer: This is a pathetically honest post. Read at your own risk. NO JUDGING ALLOWED!
I promise I am a nice, not shallow member of the human race.
The first hour: We had our goodbye ceremony. I can not tell a lie, it was hard. Perhaps a few tears were shed. Or not. It was defiantly harder then I thought it would be. Good or bad, a good percentage of our lives are online. My social life, my academic life, my work life- all contact, or most is done by the means of Facebook or email. Or texting and whatsapp which were also big no-no's this week.
Oh Facebook. That was a tough goodbye. As a self admitted addict it is hard to go cold turkey (anyone else find that phrase somewhat repulsive?). But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.
That spot next to me on my bed where my phone rests will be pathetically empty and missed tonight.
I really will miss those radiations.
Sunday Night, May 5: I went through my first 23 hours Internet-less. I thought I would have the easiest time. Well I was wrong. Big time.
I realized that almost everything on this weeks to do list would have to wait for next week. Oh just another week I am pushing things off yet again. It's not like I specialize in that or anything.
I haven't been sleeping well. I know it's just been one night but it was hard.
I have been displayed severe Internet withdrawal symptoms. Headaches and constant sneezing (which I am so sure can only be related to Internet detoxing. For sure not a cold.)
Just like I have a schedule for my day, I also have a schedule for my nights. Every night at about 12:00 am is usually the time I explore Instagram, travel the day through Facebook, watch the latest Ted videos on YouTube. Videos that should be changing my life by now but still haven't.
Me and my phone start our daily date night at 12am.
My phone really knows how to treat a girl well.
How do you say goodbye to such a chivalrous buddy?
The only way I am guaranteed to not be tempted by such beauty and goodness is to not only remove my stunningly dressed J.Crew clad iPhone from it's spot on my bed but to move it to another room all together.
Gasp.
Stay tuned for tomorrow episode of "How Is She Surviving? The Eighth Wonder Of The World."
Tuesday May 7, 2013: Not only is this week hard, but it is completely destroying my equilibrium system. Before this week I was a happy healthy person. Walking about 200 hundred feet again. Stretching my legs on the couch. And might I say doing a lot of getting up and sitting down from one class to the next. However, this week that has all changed.
I sleep during the day because if I am not in class there is just nothing else to do to pass the time. I eat constantly because that is just what you do when you are bored.
Over the past nine months since I have been living in Israel my meals usually consisted of pasta and some sauce on top with my favorite go to- Parmesan cheese, or the easy and simple fried veggies. Now all of a sudden I am eating courses. Yes, each meal has two well prepared healthy courses. They are really delicious if I may say so myself. I never knew I had this Mario Batali side to me. I also read and read which is good but by the 300th page in two days the information no longer processes anymore.
This Internet diet is slowly killing me. I must have gained about ten pounds. And I no longer sleep at night.
Internet detoxing may sound like a good idea but it's not. In fact it's highly dangerous.
You may think you can do it (like me) and tell your friends to believe in you because you will succsesed. But you won't so get over it now.
I am proud to say I was the first of my roomates to go online. And no, I didn't have to wait the full week. I am a gifted and fast learner and by Wednesday morning I got the point and spent the next day online catching up on very important, academically gifted things of course.
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