For my first post in 2013, I want to write about something that has really been bothering me for a long time. Longer then the exstience of ipods and cell phones. Yes, that long.
It's not a story that happened, or anything so don't get your popcorn out.
The description for this blog is "a venting session" and venting is what I am about to do.
Ok drum roll please...
One of my biggest pet peeves is when Americans or any nationality for that fact come to Israel and suddenly and totally out of the blue they forget English words.
For example an American comes to Israel and suddenly forgets what a porch is and uses this funky word "mirpeset." And no no, gd forbid should we call a mall a mall instead it's a "kinyon."
But what really confuses me is that it is only certain words.
For example Americans would never call a window a chalon or a table a shulchan it's just these handpicked words which clearly I did not receive the memo about.
What bothers me even further is you will be having a conversation with someone in this beautiful language I like to call English and all of a sudden the person you are talking to just switches off in the middle. Why? Oh because they made aliyah so now they want to prove that they are all Israeli and know how to say storage room in Hebrew. Which by the way is "machsan." See, just because I will never say "machsan" if I am having a conversation with someone in English doesn't mean I don't know what it is.
It's very difficult listening to someone and constantly having to change the language you need to understand. So I do the world a favor and just speak only and totally in English.
Also I don't understand why it's only a certain number of words. And why those words? I guess this question will just have to be the eighth wonder of the world.
Then the pet peeve goes even further. Americans don't just use those Hebrew words but all of a sudden they are wearing sandals and socks and putting hummus on everything.
What just because you make aliyah you need to lose your dignity as well with those lovely tevas and knee socks? Some please explain the phenomenon to me.
The first time I was asked to bring salatim to a meal I really thought she was just telling me to bring multiple salads and wanted to be annoying and bother me so she said it in Hebrew. Then I learned that no no, it means hummus, matbucha and all that other stuff that people in America would never touch unless they were playing Mystery Envelope.
I personally really don't like hummus or tichena. At. All.
I get enough death stares and threats from the shwarma people when they automatically put in on my lafa and I tell them in my ever so polite manner, "sir please remove the hummus from my lafa. Actually no, give me a new lafa before I run away and never come back." They think I am deranged or something. Fine. They are Israeli, hummus is pretty much their lifeline.
But Americans?!
In all the years that I have been living outside of Israel I had not once been served hummus at a meal. And I lived a happy life. Thank gd I am healthy and get enough veggies in my system without eating crushed, smashed and mushed chick peas.
All of a sudden I come here, and if we don't have salatim for a meal it's like the heavens have opened and we will be devoured by some plague. Really it's that bad.
However, if we were in America and someone brought salatim to a meal we would all think he has lost his mind. It would remain untouched. And that's a good thing.
So dearest Sabra Company,
Keep your salatim away from my friends. You are changing them.
Thanks,
Me
And on that note bevakasha pass me ha'kelev hot v'ha'hamburger and my extra large bottle of soda sheli *- let's get my salatim-less American on.
*This was proof as to how annoying the on and off again Hebrew is. You are lying if you enjoyed reading that sentence.
