A Heading Home Adventure...

This happened about two weeks ago but it is just too good and fortunately or unfortunately totally true.
I was on the train in Jerusalem on a Friday on my way to the tachana to get back to Givat Shmuel in time for the holy Sabbath.

Obviously the train was disgustingly and possibly illegally crowded but I made it to my little go to spot in the corner by one of the doors and put my "Beach" aka chill playlist and all of a sudden I was in the Greek Islands.
I was the only one on the beach and had a strawberry daiquiri  in one hand and someone giving me a manicure on the other hand (of course the nail person, who was Asian (the Greeks bring over Asians as well) already painted the hand holding the daiquiri  Midnight Blue already- my favorite Essie color). The weather was that medium between hot and deathly hot. The sun was shining and since I was on the Greek Islands where miracles happen I was only getting tanned, not burnt (if only). Oh and most importantly the birds in Greece clearly realized I have an irrational fear of them (ever since me and my sister got chased by seagulls in England. Worst. Day. Of. My. Life. The trauma affects me daily) so they left me alone. Imagine being on a beach without seagulls... pure paradise.

Ok, so that was where I was in my la la land even though in reality I was stuck on a light rail in a county that is trying so hard to be modern but with some people that are still trying to prove that evolution did indeed happen (explanation: because they were acting like chimpanzees. duh.)
Someone was carrying a stroller over his head with a baby inside since there was no room for the stroller.
Looking back on it it would have been so worth it to do this thing called walk to the tachana but I was so set on the fact that I will stay on this train and live to tell the tale. Walking is for the weak.
When times got tough I just said hello to Mykonos and all is good.

At one point the train stopped (obviously) and in less you wanted to do some sort of moshpit thing there was really no room to get in. Everyone seemed to understand this but this one 40ish year old woman. I guess she was the rock concert type since clearly she was very willing to get in on the almost potential moshpit. She tried getting onto the train but couldn't even get on (I'm telling you it was repulsively crowded. I hate myself to this day for not walking or cabbing. Being the only person in a means of transportation... ahhh what a concept.).
The doors started closing and they were at the point when there was like an inch left until they would be fully closed. I guess that was the time that Little Miss Psycho Path decided to make her smooth move.
This woman put her hands in between the doors and tried yanking it open.
That alarm sound that goes off when someone is in the way of the door closing was quite loud. Me swimming with the dolphins in Greece was abruptly cut short from the alarm sound.
This modern day Hercules (I don't even know if she was a woman anymore after seeing what force and strength she put into opening these doors) got the doors to open a little more.

Everyone was yelling at her to leave it alone and the next train will be coming in 7 minutes anyways.
Seriously unless she thought mashiach was on the train I have absolutely no idea why she would risk her hands getting chopped off to get on the train.
Well little did I know she was not only risking her hands getting chopped off...
(Now this is where the story gets good or really disturbing depending on your sense of humor)

So great everyone was yelling at her and I got pretty good seats actually to see this whole thing go down.
I am guessing that this woman wasn't so good at biology or really just had zero understanding of the way the human body works because what she did next was... well, I truly, for once in my life have no words.
There was enough space in between the doors for her to put her head in. And putting her head in is what she did.
I kid you not. I wish I was. But I am not. Sadly. Or happily for the sake of a great story.

Just imagine this scene- a crazy busy train (try imagine the lines outside of Bloomingdale's on the eve of Black Friday and then trying to cram all those people on a train. And now say hello the train I was on), an alarm ringing (that Beyonce song Sound The Alarm was taken to new extremes), babies crying (it's no longer the "babies on the bus go wah wah wah" now it's the babies on the train. And trust me they are much louder than any bus baby will ever be), no room to sit, stand or breath and a woman with her head stuck in between the doors. Totally normal right?

I think the woman realized the ramifications of what she did and she started shrieking. Everyone on the train didn't really know what to do with themselves. I think they thought in times of need just run around in circles in yell. Well considering we were on a train that didn't even have enough room for an ant, running around in circles would not be a possibility so they doubled on the yelling bit.\
Call me the most obnoxious person in the world but I could not stop laughing. A lot of things happen to me or around me that I could never of have even imaged would happen but this was just beyond human comprehension. I so wished my phone wasn't dead at that moment because the scene that I was witnessing would have totally beat "Charlie Bit My Finger" on Youtube.

The train stopped completely and one of the people working on the train came to yank her head out from the doors. (there's a sentence I never thought I would write)
I was just so relieved when the alarm finally stopped. I promise for the rest of the day all I heard was ah ah ah ah ah ah. Not a pleasant sound at all.

I was also fascinated to see what her next move would be. Would this woman who miraculously walked out of this situation with both hands and a head intact try to get on the train or finally give it up.

I know if it were me I would check myself into a mental institution straight away and stay in solitary confinement forever. And create a bracha to thank Hashem for giving me a head that can endure train doors.

Well this woman brought a new meaning to the word stubborn and she walked straight on to that train. No worries, no body parts got caught in the doors.
For some bizarre reason someone got up straight away and gave her a seat. Like are you rewarding her for attempting suicide?
"Wow great job on your 'how will I kill myself' tactics. Here take my seat."
I learned a song in fourth grade about never telling a lie so I'll be honest and say that my first thought after this psycho got a seat as some sort of reward for getting her head stuck in a door was "hmmm maybe I should try this out sometime."

She sat down and everyone started yelling at her and she just told them all to calm down and it really isn't that big of a deal.
She probably did this all the time.
I was thinking of all the situations she must have been in and used this superpower called "head power" to get out of it.
She was in the supermarket and she went to the cheese counter and they didn't have Parmesan left so she hit her head against the glass counter until she got what she wanted.
Or her laptop broke so she told the Apple guy she will hit her head with her laptop until he gets her an earlier appointment in the Apple store.
Honestly the list can just go on and on.

And there was my Friday two weeks ago for you!

P.S.- I didn't use that laptop example just for fun. My laptop broke last week. Any suggestions? Because you know until you tell me how to fix it I'm just going to have to hit my head with a broken laptop.
Also needless to say it's harder to blog without a laptop. Not that my blog is important or anything ;-)