"Let us in!"
"Are you psychotic?!"
"We will push this wall down"
You would think I was at some "Occupation is a crime free Palestine" sort of rally. Or the breaking down of the Berlin Wall take two. Well I wasn't.
This was at the Fifth Israeli Presidential Conference that through some grace of gd I was invited to.
Pretty much it was such an honor and so exciting to be there. I was literally like a kid in a candy shop. Actually a Reeses and peanut M & M's shop. My favorites.
However, the last few hours of the Conference things didn't really go as planned.
The last session was a plenary (no worries, I am using that word to sound smart. I still don't really know what it means and I can't pronounce it for the life of me) with Peres, Bibi, Shransky and some other guy I never heard of so he prob wasn't important. Or I am just ignorant.
I planned my entire day around being front and center for this plenary.
They told us security is going to be tight and there will be a difference entrance to get inside due to the heightened security. So I didn't go to the panel right before so I would make it to this plenary.
I was among the first 50 people in line to get inside. 50 out of 5,000 if I may add.
I waited on line for about a millisecond and went through the whole security shabang.
It was literally insanity.
They put this paper swab thing on your hands to make sure you weren't around gun powder. You know when someone does something like that to you and all of a sudden you second guess yourself thinking "hmmm I do think I was around gun powder recently" so all of a sudden I was thinking I was Ahmadinejad's (fun fact: this is spelt right. Thank you Google) deputy and just came out of the nuclear factory.
But thank gd I was as innocent as innocent could be. Shocker. And I got through to the other side.
They didn't even open the doors yet and I along with 50 other people were waiting outside.
I saw my future in front of me- I would sit third row (you know because the first two are reserved for g-d and Sharon Stone) and someone would notice me and come next week I'll be a millionaire.
Anyhoo, as that thought was ending they opened the doors.
Ok. I will put two options out there and I won't tell you what really went down. You will decide based on if you think I'm an idiot or not:
Option One- I was not told that we need a special ticket to enter the plenary. I mean not really a special ticket but you just needed to go to the information desk and ask them for a ticket which you get for free. It really isn't a big deal. Well, it wouldn't of been a big deal if I knew about it and got the ticket. But I didn't know you had to do that.
Option Two: I did know you needed a ticket but I was too lazy to get one and I thought since I have a press pass (ya I'm basically paparazzi. Holla) I thought you could just get through.
So in a nutshell the two options are I really didn't know you needed a ticket vs I am stupid and thought I was more legit than I was.
Your call.
So they open the doors and asked me for my ticket. And I said in my posh British accent "oh please ma'am I am press."
She tells me I can't go in because I don't have a ticket.
My world shattered.
All that's good in the world ended.
It was as if they told me Reeses was going out of business. Or that Kate Gosselin adopted all of her eight kids. Or that the Tiffany's necklace I wear everyday is actually fake. Or that Kim Kardashian's baby's name is North West. Oh wait that happened.
Ya it was bad.
Anyways, I had to do the walk of shame. Which was pretty awkward.
I figured I'll just go and get the stupid ticket and I'll be out in five mins and back on line to claim my rightful third row seat.
Well by the time I got the ticket and was back on line about a thousand more people were there with me. It was as if there was an ice cream truck giving out free ice cream. Yes, that many people.
Anyways so I'm waiting on line for a good hour and then they call all press people to wait at the side so I thought "great they are going to give us VIP entrance like we deserve. You know because we are basically holier than thou". So we are waiting at the side for 45 minutes and they are letting the regular peasant people get in but not us. That's when it got violent.
I felt like it was the French Revolution take two, but this time Israeli style.
It was bad.
Punches were (almost) thrown. The gate was (almost) knocked down. The police were (almost) called.
Yes, I'm trying to make it a little more dramatic then it was.
But I was just waiting for a tire to be thrown.
Anyways, I realized after two hours it wasn't worth it. Please, I have dignity. And I heard three out of the four speak already and hate to be a Debby downer but it's not all its cracked up to be. So yesterday.
So I left. With the stupid (*#$#)($ ticket in hand.
Some other thoughts on the Conference:
1) It was awesome
2) I helped this odd bodd Colombian woman sitting next to me at one of the panels play Bejewled on her iPhone. It was a boring panel anyways so Bejewled was much more entertaining
3) Dana Weiss (some Israeli TV reporter) was the moderator for the first plenary with Tony Blair and Rahm Emanuel, Peres and Clinton and was wearing a STRANGE little outfit.
She looked like a jogger gone magician gone crazy. Weird little outfit.
If I could give the heads of the conference any advice for next year it would be make sure the moderators wear normal clothes. Like go shopping with them. Don't let them choose for themselves. Bad idea.
4) There were not too many outlets to charge your appliances. And I was a loser with only an iPhone. Most people had at least the entire Apple store with them. And there truly were not enough outlets.
The second day I was charging my phone in the Tachana and not by some normal spot but next to the guy who sits by the bathroom all day and charges people for a shekel.
It was strange.
Lesson learned: after seeing this poor guy get every excuse under the sun as to why people can't give him a ONE shekel, I do not want his job.
5) I was on line for the bathroom when all of a sudden g-d herself aka Sharon Stone cut all of us and her big macho security peeps kicked everyone out of the bathroom for her to do her thing. I think she pees gold or something.
Obviously when she was standing two feet away from me I didn't have my phone on me.
Lottie, you're mad.
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