I recently realized I have a lot of questions that can't be answered. So instead of sitting in sorrow and despair and trying to answer the unanswerable I thought I would invite you all to join my "Unanswerable Questions" club.
This is not aliyah or Israel related. Just call me an anti Zionist.
1) Why is it that Humans of New York is always able to capture the most picturesque, photogenic and charming pictures of the humans of New York?
I really hate subways. I would rather walk hundreds of blocks then take a subway. I just have this serious theory that it is a hotbed for a terror attack and every person on that subway wants to rape, kill, or worse to me. So for the sake of my life I walk. And walk. And cry but keep walking.
But the few times I have taken a subway psycho paths and mental institution escapees have boarded.
One day some guy with ripped pants was going from person to person cursing them out. Clearly gd is watching over me because he skipped over yours truly.
Anyways once out of the subway (and after I benched gomel) I looked at my Facebook and HONY just posted a picture of a mother reading "Guess How Much I Love You" to her daughter.
It was as if there was just a split screen between my life and HONY's.
My pictures of random New Yorkers would just send me to jail with a black eye. But HONY's get raving reviews and comments like "you have inspired me to stop being an alcoholic, domestic abuser, drug user and unemployed."
The grass is always greener on the other side is true.
2) Why is it that people feel free to tell you their stories? I mean I really love hearing people's stories. Both funny and sad. But within moderation.
When I was back in New Jersey a few months ago I was at the dentist and the hygienist was telling me how her sons disrespect her and she doesn't know how to get them to stop.
Ya hi. I am a 21 year old, super single, absolutely no bun in the oven, ten thousand percent no kids to tend to- why the heck do you think I would ever have the answers to your kid problems. Especially when they are 22 and 20.
I also went to get my hair trimmed back in America. The haircut took an hour and a half. I know I have a tendency to exaggerate but this is for real. I wish I could say it was because she was such a perfectionist and needed that amount of time to cut my hair. But no no. She needed that amount of time to tell me all about her Indian realtor.
I gotta admit at first it was funny. Then it got racist. Then it got really racist. Then I started to think maybe she hates me and she thinks I'm Indian so she is secretly trying to insult me. Then I remember my skin is whiter than snow or redder than a tomato. But still we all have some Indian-ness in all of us.
3) This is a really serious wonderment I have had for a while. On almost all El Al planes in the bathroom there is a sign by the sink that says "do not drink the water from the faucet." Pretty self explanatory.
Until you look to the right of the sink and there are cups.
So the options are:
1) El Al is promoting the cup company.
2) El Al are testing their passengers to see if they will give in to the deliciousness of sink water.
3) El Al has a good sense of humor.
Either way this truly bewilders me.
4) Why is it that job websites make you pay to use their website?
Correct me if I'm wrong but one usually looks for a job when they are penniless, not when they are billionaires.
Frankly I would like to bye a pen and some paper to beg my family to send me some food. I don't think anyone would ever choose to spend their last penny on a job website. That is if they are so fortunate to have a last penny.
I think I have just solved the homeless issue. Make job websites free. Tada. There's a solution to the world
5) Back on planes. Forgive me for my inconsistency.
Why is it that 98% of the world is so selfish about reclining chairs?
This guys head was practically on my lap his chair was so far back. It was like I look down and "oh hello. Glad you're comfortable".
Or the chair kicker. The chair hitter. The person who constantly head up and hold on to the top back part of the chair and ends up pulling your hair (I would like to think I am not the only girl with this constant oh so painful experience.)
My theory is these chair abusers are strategically placed to make sure we are overflowing with adrenaline for when we land.
That is my best and only attempt at the benefit of the doubt in this situation.
6) I guess we all need to come to terms at some point or another that the world is gross and hardly anyone washes their hands after leaving the bathroom.
I promise I am not one of those people. If anything I am immune to soap I use it so much.
Anyways, the point of this is not to show off my hygiene but rather to present my sixth worldy wonder- why is it that people don't wash their hands?
And even more so why is it that when people are in a public bathroom they don't wash their hands?
Fine, I don't get it but if you are in private to each your own.
But really a public bathroom where everyone sees you you will make a point to not wash your hands?
It's really nothing to show off.
And don't think I will be sharing my pencil with you ever.
7) The last and final wonder of the world- baggage claim at an airport.
This marvels me every time.
We all learned in kindergarten a circle goes around and around and around and around. It never ends. Not side or corners just round.
So let me ask why do people jump, dive, sacrifice their lives at baggage claim and pounce on their bag knocking all those down around them.
I can understand if baggage claim was a broken circle. Then your bag will come around and if you miss it it will be thrown out of the circle (because there is a break in it), but thank gd someone who did well on his SAT's and knows geometry invented the baggage claim, so let's all CALM DOWN.
And I plan on suing all those people that have ever made me that they broke me toe.
Even though no bone was ever broken the thought is bad enough and worth the money.
7 1/2) Because I have to.
Uggs.
To quote Joey Tribiani: "why g-d why?!"
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